My Appointment with Helen

Helen leading morning prayer at our last session of Academy #42

Dear Helen,

We were supposed to meet today. "Helen. 3:00 p.m., Zoom." Just two weeks ago, we gathered online and in Waynesville, NC to celebrate your life. We gathered to tell stories about you; to remember that we each considered you one of the best friends we ever had; to marvel at the courage and compassion you carried into the world; to bear witness to the ways you changed the world, one wounded, hardened heart at a time.

I remember 2018, when you heard I was in spiritual direction training with Haden Institute. We were at Camp Sumatanga, Alabama attending one of the sessions of Academy #41. You said, "I hear you are learning to be a spiritual director. Don't you need someone to practice on?" And, of course, I did need someone to practice on but was too shy to ask anyone. And so we started this journey of spiritual friendship. You, my anam cara, my soul friend. What an honor it was to sit together and reflect on life.

One of the things we had in common was the Reconciling Ministries Network -- both of us having worked with it at different points in its life cycle. We delighted in this commonality. You, proud of what I helped to launch. Me, proud of your leadership in today's movement. Both of us celebrating what the holy one has done during these 40+ years. Just last month you reminded me of your favorite story from my early days of activism.

It was in the early 1990s (before the Internet!). We needed to get the word out in Nashville about United Methodists gathering in support of LGBTQ+ people. I made a flyer on my Kaypro computer, printed it out, drove to the parking lots of United Methodist Churches, snuck inside the buildings, and pinned the flyer on whatever bulletin boards I could find. I can remember our giggles about the image. You loved the part where I ran back to my car and sped away.

Unlike me, you were not afraid to meet new people. Whether they were LGBTQ+ supporters -- or conservative Christians praying to convert you -- you met people where they were and offered your hand in conversation and friendship. In fact, it seemed that you had received a special calling to "a ministry of presence" with Baptist pastors there in your county. You shared with me about attending Sunday church services and then having coffee (or tea?) with pastors to continue the dialogue. I admired your courage and outright boldness to share, with confidence, your belovedness in God's eyes. You were witnessing to God's abundant creativity and boundless love. "Here I am," you said: "I am Helen (they/them) -- Beloved child of God. Let's talk."

You reminded me of John Wesley's sermon on 2 Kings 10:15, "A Catholic Spirit." "If your heart is as my heart, then give me your hand." (This was where we got the name for the Reconciling Ministry's Journal, Open Hands. Published from 1985 - 2002.)

John Wesley wrote: "If your heart is as my heart," if you love God and all [human]kind, I ask no more: "give me your hand." ... I mean, first, love me. ... Love me so as to think no evil of me. ... Love me with the love that believes all things, is always willing to think the best. ... Love me with the love that hopes all things. - "A Catholic Spirit" -- from the 1872 reprint of the 1771 edition of John Wesley’s 53 Sermons

You, dear Helen, lived this non-judgmental, generous love in the world. And we are all better for your presence here with us for these short years. Thank you, Helen for manifesting unconditional love for me and for all of God's creation.

I imagine you, today, having tea with a few of the heavenly angels. Telling a few stories, tending to wounded hearts, declaring bountiful love for all of God's createdness in heaven and on earth. We love you and miss you.